just wants to play video games

as i was transfering the rest over my headphone cord bumped the flashdrive and pulled it out, corrupting the whole thing 🙃

so I no longer have access to any old art that i didn't upload online or only got submited on now-deleted accounts, which is quite a lot :/

hope I don't actually end up needing any of those files....

and any oc concepts i had in there saved for later are gone forever too...

the fact that all this art dissapeared in an instant from one little nudge is actually more devastating than when I lost that physical sketchbook by dropping it in the river. this is literal *years* of artwork i'll never see again, i've been trying to keep most of my art stuff since like 2015/2016

as i was transfering the rest over my headphone cord bumped the flashdrive and pulled it out, corrupting the whole thing 🙃

so I no longer have access to any old art that i didn't upload online or only got submited on now-deleted accounts, which is quite a lot :/

hope I don't actually end up needing any of those files....

and any oc concepts i had in there saved for later are gone forever too...

the fact that all this art dissapeared in an instant from one little nudge is actually more devastating than when I lost that physical sketchbook by dropping it in the river. this is literal *years* of artwork i'll never see again, i've been trying to keep most of my art stuff since like 2015/2016

seeing whatever being discussed on twitter and how ppl seem to be acting lately im big time considering just dropping out of college tbh. i cant learn well in online environments and it seems there's a good chance in-person classes wont be safe esp by next month

but dropping out means i have to start paying back student loans (or at least my dad does bc he used most of the money on the mortgage) and idk if the store is going well enough yet to support that. i dont even know who to talk to abt setting up payments

im glad im not in a big populated state but i still live p close to the capital city of mine and i certainly cant afford to not work

I'll discuss stuff with my dad after the 4th rush and probably focus on getting a new computer and commissions/streaming to maybe make some extra money?

fuck everything rn im not even gonna wait for hrt im too dysphoric im just gonna save enough for top surgery and get it over with

just looked it up and there's 2 surgeons in my area (living near the capital is good for some things) and the one that looks better is actually closer, but better still tends to mean more expensive..

plus my dad isnt gonna want to bother helping me so id have to stay with my mom, so even if i had enough money id need to wait till she gets done moving and hopefully has a spare bed

but then my dads also not gonna like me taking off work for that long

not even to mention thats still thousands of dollars and ive rarely ever had more than a couple hundred saved up ever

fuck everything rn im not even gonna wait for hrt im too dysphoric im just gonna save enough for top surgery and get it over with

ik i missed ncod but I was busy trying not to fall into a depression spiral again

moving is such a hassle and its even more stressful bc its midterms season and im falling behind at school bc of all this

but now we have like 10 days to get out and most of the packing i have to do myself bc my dad works so long and we can only do actual moving on sundays

i just want to get this over with and have time for myself again, but after unpacking ive got a crazy game of catching up to do for several of my classes

Blah blah blah, I hate taking my meds they give me a tummy ache :c

if your meds are upsetting your stomache you should probably make sure you take them with food if you arent already? i had to take my meds with food or they caused rly bad nausea