call me oppy • 21 • they/them • nonbinary aroace • student, artist, and nerd • messages are always welcome! :D
ok so random thought
tw: transphobia and use of a generalized "you"
i have been living as my gender for my entire life already, I just didn't know how to express it to others at first
is it because you want me to face direct transphobia for a while before making any decisions? are you hoping that will change my mind??
also if it's for surgery or smtn, do you know how hard it is to "live as your gender" when you are constantly outwardly viewed as your agab? I can't come out to every stranger that ever looks at me!
rly hoping i don't end up having to face smtn like this rule too heavily during my transition bc ugh it's already hard enough as it is
fuck everything rn im not even gonna wait for hrt im too dysphoric im just gonna save enough for top surgery and get it over with
just looked it up and there's 2 surgeons in my area (living near the capital is good for some things) and the one that looks better is actually closer, but better still tends to mean more expensive..
plus my dad isnt gonna want to bother helping me so id have to stay with my mom, so even if i had enough money id need to wait till she gets done moving and hopefully has a spare bed
but then my dads also not gonna like me taking off work for that long
not even to mention thats still thousands of dollars and ive rarely ever had more than a couple hundred saved up ever
Help Zayd get HRT organized by Zayd Poe
Hello all!My name is Zayd. I'm transmasc/nonbinary, and a full-time college student, looking to start testo… Zayd Poe needs your support for Help Zayd get HRT
Help me start HRT! -gofundme
Just found out that an inclusive counseling place and a clinic that offers hrt are both accessable to me by bus! so I set up a gofundme to help me save enough to officially start transitioning ^^
(of course, a lot of my commissions go towards this too, so you can help out either way!)
it's pride month now, so I'll be boosting this and also sharing others when i see them ^^
thinking of surgery
the thing im scared the most about isnt pain or money, its actually post-op care
idk if ill have someone around in a reliable enough way to take care of me while i recover, esp since i tend to take a longer-than-average time to recover than most
and like will it be soon enough that im still living with my dad? (unlikely) or will i be living completely alone?
its not like i can get a SO thatll be able to help like most ppl seem to have bc im aroace and idk if either of my 2 close friends would even be able to consider taking time off to help me bc that's a lot to ask
i hate being vulnerable and not in control and these situations that force me to rely completely on others scare me so much bc like? so many times in my life those ppl have let me down and in serious situations like surgery that can literally cause permanent physical damage
obvs hoping for the best outcomes when the time evetually comes around, but i cant help worrying about major issues that might crop up u know?
man wish i had more money and support bc it would be heckin awesome if i could be the first person in my state with the x gender marker
not the first in the us obvs bc that was in california i think? idk how many there have been since then but im p sure none have been in southern states
but with my lack of any proper support system just getting hrt and surgery is going to be crazy difficult for me
then again, even if it takes like 10 years there's still a p good chance ill end up the first bc every other enby ive met would prefer to just move out of state
but reading real queer america gave me a good point to work from that nothing's ever gonna change if you just run away so i want to stay and fight
what if i went to planned parenthood to ask about testosterone...
....and i didnt tell my dad
looks like the 3am crying-about-gender session is going to lead to an inevitable bad day at school in the morning
mfw i look for articles of ppl talking about top surgery and guides online but they only use he/him and talk about men who get it
thinkin about coming out to my dad...
might be a bad idea idk
i kinda offhand mentioned i wasnt a girl a while ago but i doubt he remembers
and i have been joking a lot about wanting to remove my boobs lately
im p sure he wont care abt pronouns and just ignore that part
but maybe i can try to at least get him on board with my new name??
still hasn't fully sunk in that it's really 2020 yet tbh, but i guess it is only the 3rd..
classes start back up in a week and half and I def want to try and be out this year properly (last semester I used my prefered name but only came out to a couple of teachers that offered the opportunity and close friends)
tbh I can't stand emails and really do prefer coming out face-to-face, but there's a pretty high chance I won't be able to see my teachers before the first day of class and them calling out my deadname to the whole class
I was really enjoying the feeling of no one else in class even knowing I had changed my name, but I guess being misgendered at home over the break has me on edge again.
I've been pretty inspired by lots of folks on reddit talking about working more towards their transition this year and I would really like to follow suit but other than my name there's really not much else I can do, and I know my parents won't use my name bc they rarely use my brother's and he's way more outspoken than me
idk if this is news but I've finally made up my mind and now am going to start working toward getting on t as soon as i can
for the longest time i wasnt sure if it was what i rly wanted bc some of the side effects might also make me dysphoric but in the opposite direction
but i think overall the main things it changes are what i want for myself
now comes the tough part of saving money and finding a decent gender therapist here in backwardsville
idk how to ask this exactly but..
where would a good place be for a small tattoo that isnt immediately noticable by others but i can see?
(specifically my gender symbol, maybe surrounded by some stars?)
current yearning: to find a group of local enbies to work together with to figure out what hoops we have to jump through to get our gender legally changed in this state